confessions ; [complete]

[=TRACKALACKA]

The day was drawing to a close by the time Harvey made his way to the old church. The sky was cloudy, but that provided a spectacular blaze with the clouds as the sun sank behind the horizon. Though he could see in the dark, the age old human instinct, no matter how diluted in him, sparked up and told him to find somewhere safe to spend the night until morning came. He had no intention of that, however. Harvey was interested in the church, so the church he would investigate, before any sleep.

He climbed over some debris from crumbled buildings, which exerted some energy, but he had enough thankfully from Yogurt's generous gift. But Yogurt's meal wasn't the only thing that had stuck with him from that conversation--the whole deal about God had been nagging at him. It wasn't that he felt he should get a better grasp of God, since he had fibbed in believing in him. It was more... a better grasp of what those with better grasps of Him were like. No one went to the church anymore, and it was in disarray, but... there just might be something...

The door was unlocked and partially broken. Promising. Harvey pushed himself through. It was fairly dark in the church, though some stain glass window's let the sunset's amber light shine through in glorious colours. Harvey couldn't help but smile. Church-people liked colours; that was a good thing. He looked up at the ceiling, where abandoned birds' nests perched among the supports. He remembered reading books about how the characters would watch the birds fly through the cities. He'd seen birds, but they were all crows and ravens scavenging off bodies. The image made him look away from the roof and at what was ahead.

Several long benches, many smashed and burnt, lined a row that led to a stone table at the back of the building. There was nothing else other than some burnt cloth and a tipped plant, now half dead. The place had been ransacked long ago. There wasn't even a cross, which according to Harvey's readings, was an important symbol of the church. He sighed and sat down in a partially intact bench.

He was bored now. The church hadn't given him anything new. He leaned back and watched the refracted colours of the window on the floor, then began to whistle a tune. The whistling made it seem all the more eerie, which made him smile.

[ticking]

The day had been a long and irritable one to say in the least for a young girl names Elisa. After parting ways with Yogurt, she had stumbled across a bunch street thug’s looking to steal food off passersby. They had managed to corner her, grab her arms and almost take more than just some of the food she had on her when she had squeezed one of her legs to kick the leader’s family jewels and ran off. She had lost her pencil in the fight. Damn idiots.

Her face was now battered mainly from the fight but also from when she had tripped over a shopping trolley when trying to wrench what looked like could be something useful in a pile of rubbish. Her upper lip had bleed for a while but after pressing on it for what felt like forever the bleeding had stopped. The only thing useful she had found in that pile was the shopping cart, the rest was stuff she would rather not like to know what it had once been.

A new cut also adorned her face from when she had run into the men. At first, she had been stupid in giving them all the food she had and had been caught off guard when one of the men grabbed her by the neck, holding a knife to her. She had fought him mainly because of surprise and he nicked her left cheek with the blade.

Elisa stopped, crouching down to inspect the cheek in a muddy pool. Thankful the scar wouldn’t be that long as the blade had only just touched the skin but then again she had another scar to add to her collection. Sighing, she readjusted the backpack on her back and trotted on.

The daylight was quickly falling and Elisa was too exhausted to head back to the library to sleep. She just needed somewhere she could lie low and be safe. In the distance, a cross atop of building caught her eye and Elisa let out a joyous grin. Of course, the church! Why hadn’t she thought of that sooner! She ran off towards her idea of safety and comfort, not knowing what she would find there would make the rest of her problems seem trivial in comparison.

[=TRACKALACKA]

Between his whistling Harvey heard footsteps, so he stopped and turned towards the door. Someone was coming. He debated whether to hide or keep his ground. As usually, he stayed where he was; if the intruder posed a threat, he was pretty sure he could deal with them. He glanced at the light coming through the windows. It was slowly dimming as the sun went down, but there was still enough for his regular vision. The intruder could still think he was human.

To his ultimate surprise, the person who came through the church door was Elisa. Elisa. Oh, the odds! For some reason his heart seemed to pound irregularly, but he wasn't sure why. He hoped it wasn't some condition. It had happened before with--He shook his head, then sprang to his feet and ran up to Elisa and enveloped her in a large welcoming hug.

"Elisa, m'dear!" He laughed, letting her go. "It is such a wonderful coincidence that we find each other here! I trust you've been well?" He smiled as he waited for her answer.

[ticking]

Elisa let out a muffled yelp as she felt someone grab her and pull her into a bear like hug. Her mind was whirling, she was tired and battered and having someone suddenly fling themselves at her was not what she had expected when she had walked into the church.

“H-Harvey?” she stuttered, her mouth and mind trying to work in unison. “What…what are you doing here?” What were the chances? Her and Harvey meeting up after only a few days of separation. It was weird. Strange. Was God messing with her and giggling as she tried to work out these strange riddles?

The man looked no different than he had a few days earlier. Maybe a bit more dirty but other than that he still looked like himself. She found herself frowning, how did someone look so good in these times? Food was rare in these times and many were paled faced and gaunt looking. Harvey did not look the same as those thugs she had meet nor any of the other survivors she had seen wondering down the street. Something in Elisa stirred. She wasn’t sure what to think but she felt strange around this man, was he hiding something?

[=TRACKALACKA]

Harvey laughed again, but Elisa didn't seem as happy to see him. He noticed something in her eyes, but he wasn't sure what. She asked in surprise what he was doing here, which he decided to answer seeing as she was too shocked to answer his. "Well, darling, I came across a peculiar character the other day, who spoke of God, and I decided to see what this God person was all about! Sadly, this building provided me with no answers, as it has been clearly destroyed and ransacked." He frowned a little as he looked around the dusty building. He then shook his head, his wild black hair bouncing with him, and looked back at Elisa.

"W-well, how have you been? I dare say it's been about a day or two since we last met up, right doll? Strange that we find ourselves again." He grinned and sat down on the bench as if awaiting a story. "For the record, I have been just roaming. I'm not too interested in the war, see. I don't carry any weapons..." He took a quick glance at the setting sun's light coming in through the window. It would be dark soon. He swallowed calmly. "I've come across some interesting fellows during my travels. Humans and Oculi alike. I'm always more drawn to humans... I think they're far more exciting. Unpredictable, fun, emotional. Oculi are far too perfect for my taste." He met Elisa's saphire gaze. "Heartless, almost, I'd say they are. They don't have the amazing emotions humans are able to create in a single heartbeat." He chuckled and looked at the cracked floor. "A-anyway, terribly sorry, darling, I seem to have cut in front of you before you could answer me. So how have these past days treated you?" He looked up at her again. He tried to form his large, carefree grin, but instead all he could muster was a simple smile.

[ticking]

There was something in his tone that Elisa questioned. He was talking and talking and talking, almost like he was caught off guard by her reaction. “I’ve been better.” Elisa said, voice quite and her tone cautious. She did not take her eyes off of his face, there was something bothering her about it. Something similar she had seen earlier. Annoyingly, she could not put her finger on what it was and so just continued to stare and stare.

He talked about what he had been doing for the last two days but Elisa was barely listening. Her eyes were transfixed, almost like he was in a trance. One, that she could not easily break out of. Her sixth sense was screaming and screaming something strange was going on. The way Harvey was holding himself; the way he spoke, the way he looked at her, it was all setting her on the edge. And for the life of her she could not figure out why.

The light was fading fast outside of the church and Elisa watched him glance at the windows with what looked like….trepidation? Was there something in the dark that he feared? Was someone Prephaps following him? Her frown deepened and her eyebrows knitted together. The church was dimly light with some candles, what was there to be afraid of in the darkness? Her mind started to overload as piece by piece of information shoved itself under her nose and then, with a clink, the pieces started falling together.

Elisa felt her eyes widen, her lips part slightly and she found herself reaching for the gun stuck behind her pants. No…He couldn’t be….but it made sense. The way he had spoken to her when they had first meet, like he was walking on thin glass, the way he was talking and looking at her right now, the reason he didn’t look half as bad as the rest of the survivors and the very reason he was afraid of the dark.“You…” The words she wished to say refused to come out, almost as if she wished the words were untrue, unreal.

[=TRACKALACKA]

Harvey saw that Elisa seemed to be concentrating on something. Her reply was a mere sentence. Harvey did a little shrug and stood up. His reunion with her wasn't as lively as he thought it would be. He looked at her again and saw a change in expression. Something that sent a jolt through his body and made him freeze. "You..." she said, the tone of her voice sending an unnerving chill down Harvey's spine. He looked around the building, perplexed. Had he done something? He checked himself over to make sure he hadn't done something to invoke this reaction. He appeared to be clean. So why was she so... ?

Darkness settled in the church as the setting sun was shrouded in clouds. Ah. Of course, to him it might as well had been light out. Though everything had a bit of a yellow tint, he could see things as bright as day. So of course he could make out Elisa's livid expression. Yes, that. His heart fluttered again, but it was a different emotion he wasn't so used to--fear. Normally humans were of no concern to him. But... Elisa... she...

"Ah, yes, darling, I see now," he said calmly. "It's not something I'm particularly fond of, either." He sighed and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Soooooo, uh, how about that sunset, huh doll? Simply spectacular, wouldn't you agree?"

[ticking]

I didn't want to proof read....sue me xD

Her hand was shaking so much fury that when Elisa did manage to grab he r gun the thing was moving so much she couldn’t have so much shot a dead animal much less…this Oculi. She was furious at Harvey. Why? Because he tricked her and made it look like he was her friend while in fact he was nothing like that? Because she thought for once in her life since her mother’s death she could trust him?

“You lied to me.” She growled, not able to take her eyes off of those awful gold glowing eyes. at one time in her life Elisa would have seen such eyes as beautiful, expressive and maybe even a turn on. Not now. Not ever again in her mind. In her mind, they were a sign of something evil and dark.

When he made the statement that he didn’t like his glowing eyes either Elisa actually laughed. A dark and spiteful laugh, “Don’t joke around with me!” she spat, her gun pointing directly at his chest, “You’re a damned Oculi. Nothing more nothing less.” But what about yogurt? Her mind whispered. Elisa shock her head, no, Yogurt had been different, she had been a friend. Someone, in time, she may be able to learn to trust. Harvey? No he had betrayed her from the beginning. Lying to her. Treating her like a chum. But aren’t they the same? Her mind pressed, they are both Oculi are they not? Elisa smiled grimly to herself. They may be the same thing but the way they had gone around their identity was different, she had respect for someone who knew they were stronger than the other but did nothing to harm the other person when they had the chance. She had no respect for someone who hide, lied and made her look like a fool.

[=TRACKALACKA]

Harvey's eyes widened as Elisa's rammed her gun at his chest and threw a couple insults at him. He stared at it in interest, then back at Elisa. She looked very conflicted, but she was also pulsing with strong emotions. She claimed Harvey had lied to her. Lied to her? That he was an Oculi? Surely she knew going around and telling people you were an Oculi could very well be death sentences in some cases (such as this case)? He blinked, then slid his hand between the gun and his chest and pushed it a little away.

"Darling, I did not lie. You just never asked," Harvey told her. The sting from her comment about being and Oculi and nothing more made him wince a little. "And how I wish I could tell you the alternative. Being an Oculi, as you can see," he gestured her gun, the end of which he was still covering with his open hand, "has quite a lot of downfalls." He sighed and looked down. More emotions than he had ever felt in his lifetime were squirming around in his mind, and he wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't meet Elisa gaze. His heart was pounding rapidly, and he struggled to keep a calm face and not let his emotions show. Oh Lord he could not let his emotions show. The last time--

"Look, Elisa," He had to force the name off his tongue, as it seemed to want to stick, "If you want--you want to know my past, everything, I'll gladly give it to you. I truly have nothing to hide from others. Only from myself. It is because of that I wander, because the longer I stay somewhere, the faster my past catches up with me. I'm sure it is not the best way of dealing with these issues, but..." Slowly he let his eyes slide up so that they could see Elisa's face, and he was dreading her reaction, "...But it is really all I can do..."

[ticking]

“I didn’t ask…” Elisa said slowly, tasting the words on the tongue, “because you acted like a human, you didn’t show you were an Oculi. That’s how you lied to me!” even in her own head the accusation had little ground but Elisa didn’t care, so many emotions were riling through herself that she was getting lost and confused. The look he gave her as he pushed her gun away from his chest made her heart ache. He looked hurt at her hatred and Elisa was feeling more and more conflicted by the second.

When he started to talk about his past Elisa felt the pang of interest but she shoved it away reminding herself who-no, what she was standing in front of. “You want me to feel sympathetic because you had a hard past?” she jeered, lowering her gun and straightening up, like a master would do to a slave. “Let’s get this straight you piece of dirt, I don’t give a damn what any” she paused for a millisecond thinking of Yogurt before going on, “think, see or do. You creatures are all the same. So frickin’ damn perfect you fail to see what you truly lack to become human.” Elisa licked her lips at this point and raised her eyes to stare him full on. He wouldn’t look at her and that made her anger boiling to the point it was almost steaming out of the pot.

“When you things were created the scientists weren’t able to give you something. Something every human needs to be human,” she saw him twitch slightly but apart from that, he didn’t move. “You may have been given a heart, a mind and all that other crap but you are all missing the major thing. A soul.”

A picture of her mother screaming for her to run jumped through her mind and Elisa’s body tightened and the knuckles wrapped around the gun whitened. No human could kill someone with so little emotion in their eyes. No human, no matter how twisted, was capable of that.

[=TRACKALACKA]

A soul.

Harvey paused. He'd heard the word thrown around in his books, but he never really thought about what it was, its purpose, or if he even had one. It wasn't a vital organ. It didn't appear in any diagrams or charts of the human body. He swallowed, and his heart began racing faster. What was a soul? It was mainly mentioned in the fiction books he read, and it was often used in the same context as God and religion... but what was it?

The barrage of degrading names Elisa had flung at Harvey made him have to take a deep breath to keep himself collected. He closed his fingers around the barrel of Elisa's gun, and he could feel the tension in her fingers. She would fire. Most definitely. Whether Harvey had the motivation to disarm her before that was another question. He swallowed then met her gaze as sturdy as he could. "I don't really understand, darling. Two days ago I was your equal, just because you believed me to be... something else. I assure you I haven't changed at all, just an insignificant factor of... what I am. It does not change who I am." A thin smile traced his lips. "I understand some of us can be... foolish. But some of you humans are no better. Every side has it's ups and downs, unfortunately."

He drummed his fingers on the gun. "You obviously can't be all bad, because you haven't fired yet. If you truly did hate us you--you would have done it already--" There was Hannah, bound by ropes, tears streaming down her cheeks. The nearest human shouted something and pulled out his gun and-- Harvey shook his head violently. I don't need this right now! Go away, go away!

[ticking]

“And who says I won’t?” Elisa whispered.

She let loose out another bitter laugh at his words, ‘you obviously can’t be all bad, because you haven’t fired yet.’ “Don’t act like you understand us Oculi. You may look like us but you are nothing like is!” the last few words come out like a hiss and Elisa felt some of her emotions hitting their peck. What did he think he was talking to her like she was the bad guy? Of course she knew not all her kind were good but at least they had the grace to know what they were, unlike this…this Oculi. She eyed him levelly, her finger twitching on the trigger of her gun. Though it wasn’t pointed at his chest anymore she knew the shot would still hurt him, severely. She just had to bring herself to pull the trigger…what was stopping her?

"I don't really understand, darling. Two days ago I was your equal, just because you believed me to be... something else. I assure you I haven't changed at all, just an insignificant factor of... what I am. It does not change who I am." She hated this thing standing in front of her, they were the reason her mother had been pulled out of her grasp and she was alone. It was all there fault! Yet, she couldn’t pull herself to pull the trigger. What on earth was wrong with her? What was the point of having a weapon if in your time of need you didn’t use it?

Elisa saw what seemed to be pain pass through his eyes as she watched him intently, and for a moment believed she had shot him without thinking about it. But there was no blood, no screams of pain. She hadn’t shot. She, Elisa, daughter to a commander in the army was a coward.

[=TRACKALACKA]

Harvey waited, but Elisa seemed to be too conflicted to make a move. As her hesitation went on, Harvey looked over at the window and saw the sun was pretty much down. It was getting rather dark. He looked back at Elisa, who hadn't changed. He had been bracing himself for the gunshot followed by a pain in his hand. But everything was still fine and dandy. His smile grew.

"See, m'dear? I don't claim to understand you, but it seems clear that you don't want to harm me," he said slowly. "I think--I think if this damn war wasn't in our way, humans and Oculi wouldn't be having the problems they're having now... We're not--we're not--" We lack a soul. It was that thought which prevented him from finishing the sentence "we're not that different". A soul a soul a soul. It wasn't that much of a big deal, was it? It wasn't a key as a heart or liver! So why did he need one? What does it do? What does it do? A soul... A soul... why was one needed... what was its purpose...

He found he had gone off into thought, and he was shaking a little. Shaking? What was wrong with him? What was going on? Everything was turning upside down and backwards! It was this feeling--this feeling rooting itself deep inside him and spiralling out of control. What was this feeling?

[ticking]

again was too lazy to proof read XD

His words began to calm her down and Elisa felt herself breathing in and out more deeply trying to take control of herself once again. But he didn’t stop, he continued to speak and his last sentence sent her over the edge “we're not that different". Before Elisa could figure what was happening her finger twitched and the trigger pulled. As though in slow motion she saw the blood explode in front of her, his face contorting into pain and the smoke whistling from the gun. Her eyes became the size of dinner plates and her legs started to shake, feeling like they would buckle at any moment.

“I-“ She said, her voice shaking and her hands breaking out into a hive of sweat. “You…I….” it took all her energy to keep the gun in her hands. She would have dropped it but her father’s voice jumped into her ears and she refused to let go of the object. Elisa felt her stomach heave and was almost sick, her knees finally collapsing under her. Slamming her hand to her mouth Elisa tried to stop the mixture of saliva and vomit from slipping between her fingers.

She was no better then they were. just like how that Oculi had hurt her mother she had hurt one of them and instead of feeling joyous at the creatures pain Elisa just felt this strange dark, greasy feeling inside of her. She felt dirty. Filthy. She had harmed another thing for no reason other than it was different. How would her father react if he saw her? His gun lay forgotten by herself and Elisa could feel some tears trying to push themselves out of her eyes

[=TRACKALACKA]

He was quite sure she wouldn't do it.

But then there was a loud sound.

He couldn't help but yell as his hand seem to explode in a flurry of blood and flesh. He quickly gripped it with his other hand. The shock had neutralized the pain for a moment, so he stared at his wounded hand. His vision was blurred from tears, so it just looked like a red smear. It was... actually, completely fascinating. Never had he received such a devious wound. He wiped his tears away and examined it. His legs were shaking. Could he hold himself up? Maybe--oh, look at the blood! He stared at it in wonder. Incredible! It seemed most of his fingers were mangled... good thing it was his left han--

And the pain suddenly latched on, and like an electric shock jolted his nerves alive. Oculi were trained to deal with pain. But he had skipped a lot of those classes. And they weren't trained to deal with point blank shots on the hand. He clenched his teeth to hold in his cry, but it managed to sneak its way out between his teeth as he stumbled back and hit the bench he was sitting on what seemed now like days ago. His vision was turning... turning... Stay focused. He told himself. You remember the procedure. You know what to do. He tore off a scarf from his arm and wrapped it around the wound. His heart was still racing and his head was going a little fuzzy. Scarlet splotches leaked through the scarf. He was breathing heavily.

Elisa.

He looked up at her. To his surprise he saw that she seemed... horrified in what she had done. His memory flickered to that day, and how he had taken revenge for Hannah. He didn't feel any better from it. In fact, he felt worse. He could tell Elisa was feeling the same. He coughed. "I'm fine. But, darling," he put on a smile and looked away, "you should go. You'll feel no better sticking around. But kudos to you. I wish you luck." He laughed to himself and focused on the wavering candles, though he was too lost in his thoughts to really see them.